Saturday, March 05, 2011

My Head is Full of Clutter & My Glove Box is Full of Napkins

I learned a lot of things from my dad...

I learned how to get the upper hand on cardboard home-intruders (including calling 911, lighting a fire so I could smoke-signal the neighbors, & mastering the mondo-lock on his gun safe).

I learned that every person around me is a "bad guy", and am therefore in a constant search for "America's Next Top Weapon".

I learned how to fall off of a horse gracefully.  There are many ways to fall off of a horse, but dangit, I can do it with style.

I learned how to load, unload and reload a six-shooter in under 4 seconds.

I learned how to make people laugh.

I learned how to say "I'm sorry".

I learned how to walk headfirst down the face of a cliff with nothing but a rope tied around my waist (a.k.a. Australian Rappelling).

I learned how to hunt for deer, doves, geese, ducks, & squirrels but never actually shoot anything except an unsuspecting bobcat and our neighbors prized rooster.

I learned that I'm always right. Then I learned that was wrong and my whole universe was shattered. :)

I learned how to drive a Ford Bronco on the highway...when I was 13.

I also learned to never, ever throw away a fast food napkin.
The philosophy is this: if you don't have napkins, you will make a mess and need them. If you do have napkins, you'll know you're covered, relax, and not spill things.

It sounds crazy, but it holds true.

Unfortunately, I can't manage to keep a normal ration of napkins, so every time I try to open the glove box, it explodes. I have an unnatural aversion to throwing them away.

Maybe I can craft them all into paper mache nun-chucks so I can protect myself from the "bad guys".

Yep, that seems like a rational, dad-like solution! 


~Stephanie said...

funny, funny, funny

EMIL said...

Sounds like your dad taught you many of life's "usually not taught" lessons. How fortunate you are!

janjanmom said...

I love this post. Tributes to dads are so rare and they so should not be!! Those of you lucky ones with involved dads should brag on them every chance you get!